I am very grateful to the teacher for sharing here, because of the teacher, I can see my inner side. In fact, I don't have the ability to see my inner bottom, but because of the teacher's guidance, I can try to find the darkness of the heart and the light of hope. This is because I got the teaching by the teacher.
The story is: when our company’s workers go travelling, renting an electric tricycle, then hitting the tree and smashing the carport, and never minded. When I returned the tricycle, I even didn't remember about breaking the carport. When I gave the key, I went away. The result was the tricycle’s boss argued with my manager, and finally the videotape was transferred to improve that the tricycle was destroyed after renting, and eventually our manager gave money. And I was the one who rode the electric tricycle and walked away, just saw they were arguing and not wanting to go, I even did not really feel that I made a mistake. Moreover, I thought that if we had to give money, everybody should pay for it together. I had contributed to ride. Such voices were mixed in my heart.
After a few days, this event fermented in my heart and I felt that there must be something wrong with it. Because the question that comes to my heart is: I was the tricycle rider. When I return it, why didn’t I remember to have a collision with the tree? Even when I knew we had to give money to the boss , I still didn’t want to face it. I didn’t even feel that I am wrong! Why? I have always believed that I am a person of integrity and I am very brave. The carport hitting only lose about one or two thousand dollars. Why didn't I want to face it? I even felt that I was not wrong and had no sense of guilt.
When I requested the teacher, the teacher guided me to calm down and listen to what my inner truth. I understand: In fact, I usually do not drive, because employees travel at the time, on the one hand, I want to make everyone feel "I am very good" in front of everyone. On the other hand, usually my male colleagues drive us out, now during the trip, they didn't want to ride. I thought it was an electric tricycle, I should still be able to handle, so I wanted to show that I could do it, which drove me to take the initiative to ride to the tricycle.
Well, since it is my own initiative, it should be that I have to take responsibility instead of escaping. However, "If I want to lose money, everybody should lose it together, and the tricycle was very old, why did I have to pay..." These inner dark emotions kidnapped my rational conscience. It was also at this time of subconscious exploring, my apologies to the owner and colleagues came out. I did not expect that I would stay in such an ego, without others. The teacher said that this is a typical case of brain deception to heart.
Later, when I wrote this process to share on the website, I also noticed one thing: I suddenly didn't want to share it! Because I felt that I had done bad things ---- let the innocent shop owner lose, let everyone's trip waste time (the boss asks to give money, my manager was arguing, the whole group waited), if I apologized for it, everything would be OK. At this time, I began to want to escape, to protect myself, didn’t want my bad to be known, hope to hide all about it.
In the past, the teacher also said that things are in the heart, if not to understand, not to learn, it will continue and increase. What I did is really in my heart because of the continually, but I didn't want to face it, so the anxiety is getting stronger and stronger, however I still didn't want to face it... I really didn't want to look carefully and carefully to face my dark side. Because I saw it, it seemed to say that I was very bad. I really wanted to ask: only me so bad? I knew that my problem was irrelevant to others, but I just wanted to compare it. And then, if the teacher could say: You are not quite a bad person, so are everyone. Then I seemed to feel better in my heart, because I was not so bad. But it was not the case, because I still deceived myself.
In fact, I learned from the teacher. At the beginning, I had a lot of resistance and no acceptancing. Why did the teacher say so frankly? but even if the heart retorted many times, my heart eventually still accepted the teacher’s words, because the truth was so. Sometimes I couldn't understand why the teacher said so? I couldn't fully understand what the teacher was saying..., however, now I understand that it is not because the teacher’s words were difficult to understand, but because I still had doubts and resistance, so I couldn't get it. Teacher, thank you~ it is the reason why I have to learn, right? If my heart still has doubts while learning, how can I listen to and get your guidance?
In the past, when I resisted facing it, I would think: I am four or fifty years old, my husband’s parents have passed away, I can be economically independent, and can handle many things, everything seems to be good. Why do I dig my dark side? turn it over and check it? But just because I turned it over and over to check the reasons of my negative emotions, now I can be more comfortable!
After that consultation, I publicly apologized for the mistakes I made in the company Line group. I know that I couldn't do it by myself, but I did it just because there was a teacher who taught me.
Thank you, teacher~~
LIKA said during the consultation that she was uneasy in the past few days, but she was also puzzled. I asked her if something happened recently. She said that the company traveled a week ago, and she rode the electric tricycle of the rental shop, on the road the tricycle hit the tree which broke the roof of the tricycle, she was very puzzled why she "completely forgot" about it when returning the key, and walked away directly. Until she saw the boss of the rental shop arguing with her manager, she was still in a non-concern attitude. She believed that she was always an integrity person, but why she expressed above, so she asked me with fear “what happened to me.”
The so-called "completely forgot" at the time is a typical subconscious self-defense.
When I guided her into the subconscious state, she realized that she knew exactly what happened and didn't forgot. At that time, she volunteered to ride the tricycle, some reason was wanting to express ’I am good’ and got praised. However, the tricycle hit the tree, not good, so she chose to hide and escape, and even shirk responsibility.
Because the subconscious voice is that I don't want to be the bad guy!
As a result, her escaping made: delaying everyone's time, because the boss of the rental shop argued with her manager about the matter, also called the police, watched the monitor tape, and finally the company lost money. The inner voice is I really became a "bad guy", so she felt anxious in these days.
When reading LIKA's words about when she was writing this experience, she suddenly thought: " At this time, I began to want to escape, to protect myself, didn’t want my bad to be known, hope to hide all about it.” In fact, isn't it the same situation when returning the destroyed tricycle to the rental store?
Just because LIKA’s subconscious want to escape, she chose to do nothing. She came to me after one week, because she was confused and anxious, so decided to face the inner process above, released her self-defense, knew the truth and modified it, and then she could feel relaxed. When people face the mistakes, because they are afraid of being hated or blamed, the self-defense mechanism will naturally choose to "escape". This is definitely human nature, but LIKA chose to face it after a week, even though she knew that facing the truth seemed to be a bit embarrassing, but at least when I knew where my uneasiness came from, and then I could know what I could do to make myself feel at ease.
Confessing and apologizing bring the peace of mind, in fact, though confessing seems to be embarrassed, but I always believe people who have the courage to face their own faults and apologize will actually be respected by others. Therefore, "face to the inner truth" definitely brings benefit more than harm.
Escape from the inner truth may seem to feel calm, but in fact the deep waves in the heart are tormenting, and the inner unknown anxious is actually our wise subconscious to remind us to go through such emotions, to learn and grow up.
Here I want to tell LIKA that when you wrote this article, although the same escaping habit appeared again, but you are very good, because you have already learned it, so this time your inner wisdom appeared so quickly and then you were generous to share such a great experience with us. The truly brave must be with wisdom, you have showed it to us, thank you.