段貞夙  老師 (Susan)

 
Why  個案心得及老師解析
 

* New! 阿卡西紀錄解讀:解開人生與職涯卡住的結
Akashic Record Reading:
Untie the Knot of Life and Career
2019.8
* New! 找到人生動力與方向
Get the Motivation and Direction of life " 
2019.7
* 自我防衛帶來了逃避以及莫名不安
Self Defense Brings the Escaping and the Unknown Anxiety. 
2019.4
* 阿卡西記錄解讀:解決自卑情結 
Akashic Record Reading : Get Rid of Inferiority Complex 
2019.1
* 焦慮與抗拒成為一個照顧他人的角色 
Being Anxious and Resisting to Become the Role of Taking Care of Others 
2018.11
* 莫名的潔癖恐慌 
Inexplicable Panic of Fearing to Be Dirty 
2018.4
* 憂鬱症 
Depression 
2018.1
* 童年匱乏愛,導致偏差的愛情及人生方式 2017.7
* 焦慮沮喪 2017.7
* 恐慌症 2017.1
* 煩惱於教養孩子及創業工作
* 內在能量依賴沒長大,導致的情感與人際痛苦
* 恐懼、不敢表達、選擇及承擔---修正負面模式習氣 
* 工作及人生茫然無方向
* 憂鬱症,缺乏動力,易怒
* 情感挫敗不斷重覆
* 人際恐懼、自我封閉
* 既逃避與競爭的矛盾性格
* 暴食及人際上的不開心
* 憂鬱症,人際退縮
* 身心症狀、心悸、恐慌症
* 婆媳夫妻親子關係緊張與憤怒
* 缺乏自信,不敢承擔,甲狀腺機能亢進
* 習於逃避,婚姻不順遂
* 暴食與購物狂之成癮

 
 

自我防衛帶來了逃避以及莫名不安
Self Defense Brings the Escaping and the Unknown Anxiety.

直面過失而輕鬆的真正勇者
The True Brave
Who Face straightforward
the Fault for Ease

 

‧LIKA 撰

能夠在這邊分享真的要很感謝老師,因為老師的關係讓我一層一層的看到自己。其實現在的我並沒有能力可以看到自己最底層的樣貌,但因為老師的引導讓我可以去試著發覺心中的黑暗與希望的光明。這是因為有老師教導的關係。

I am very grateful to the teacher for sharing here, because of the teacher, I can see my inner side. In fact, I don't have the ability to see my inner bottom, but because of the teacher's guidance, I can try to find the darkness of the heart and the light of hope. This is because I got the teaching by the teacher.

事情是:公司同事們旅遊時,租電動三輪車,然後撞到樹弄歪車棚也不以為意,還車時也不記得弄壞車棚,給了鑰匙就跑了。結果跟老闆硬凹,最後被調出錄影帶對照租前租後的車況,最終還是賠錢了事。而我是那個騎電動三輪車的人。那個遞還了車鑰匙就跑,遠遠看到同事與店老闆爭論也不想過去,內心並不真的覺得自己有錯的人。而且還認為要賠錢應該大家一起賠,我還出力載人耶...諸如此類的聲音在內心中交雜。

The story is: when our company’s workers go travelling, renting an electric tricycle, then hitting the tree and smashing the carport, and never minded. When I returned the tricycle, I even didn't remember about breaking the carport. When I gave the key, I went away. The result was the tricycle’s boss argued with my manager, and finally the videotape was transferred to improve that the tricycle was destroyed after renting, and eventually our manager gave money. And I was the one who rode the electric tricycle and walked away, just saw they were arguing and not wanting to go, I even did not really feel that I made a mistake. Moreover, I thought that if we had to give money, everybody should pay for it together. I had contributed to ride. Such voices were mixed in my heart.

幾天過去後,這件事在我心中發酵,覺得自己一定哪裡有問題。因為我內心不斷浮現的疑問是:我是騎車的人,怎麼還車時我不記得有撞到樹這件事?甚至知道因為撞樹要賠錢時,也不想面對,甚至很無感不覺得自己有錯!為什麼我會這樣?一直以來都認為自己是正直的人,也很勇敢。撞歪三輪車的車棚最多賠一兩千罷了,為什麼我不想面對?甚至覺得自己沒有錯也沒有虧欠感。

After a few days, this event fermented in my heart and I felt that there must be something wrong with it. Because the question that comes to my heart is: I was the tricycle rider. When I return it, why didn’t I remember to have a collision with the tree? Even when I knew we had to give money to the boss , I still didn’t want to face it. I didn’t even feel that I am wrong! Why? I have always believed that I am a person of integrity and I am very brave. The carport hitting only lose about one or two thousand dollars. Why didn't I want to face it? I even felt that I was not wrong and had no sense of guilt.

當我把這件事提出來請教段老師時,老師引導我靜下來聽內心在說甚麼。才明白:其實我平常是不會開車的人,因為當時員工旅遊,一方面,我想在眾人面前讓大家覺得「我很好」,另方面,平常都是男同事開車載我們外出,現在出來玩,他們並不想騎三輪車,我看這電動三輪車,我想我應該還能應付,於是想藉此表現自己可以做得到,這驅使我主動走到三輪車旁。

When I requested the teacher, the teacher guided me to calm down and listen to what my inner truth. I understand: In fact, I usually do not drive, because employees travel at the time, on the one hand, I want to make everyone feel "I am very good" in front of everyone. On the other hand, usually my male colleagues drive us out, now during the trip, they didn't want to ride. I thought it was an electric tricycle, I should still be able to handle, so I wanted to show that I could do it, which drove me to take the initiative to ride to the tricycle.

那麼既然是我自己主動的,就應該是我要負起責任而不是找墊背的。然而,「要賠錢應該大家一起賠啦、車子也很差幹嘛要賠…」,這些內心的暗黑情緒把我的理性良知綁架了。當潛意識探索到這個時候,我對三輪車的店老闆、對同事的歉意才浮現出來。沒想到我待在這麼的自我,沒有旁人的世界中。老師說這是很典型的大腦欺騙內心的案例。

Well, since it is my own initiative, it should be that I have to take responsibility instead of escaping. However, "If I want to lose money, everybody should lose it together, and the tricycle was very old, why did I have to pay..." These inner dark emotions kidnapped my rational conscience. It was also at this time of subconscious exploring, my apologies to the owner and colleagues came out. I did not expect that I would stay in such an ego, without others. The teacher said that this is a typical case of brain deception to heart.

後來,我把這個處理過程打字成心得要給老師放網站上分享時,又注意到一件事:我突然不想分享了!因為覺得自己做了差勁的事----讓無辜的店老闆損失、讓這個眾人的行程浪費了時間(老闆要求賠錢,主管在斡旋,全團在一旁等待)、如果我一開始還車時道歉就好了。這時候,我開始想逃避,來保護自己,不想被別人知道自己不好,想要隱藏自己有缺陷或者是做錯了的事。

Later, when I wrote this process to share on the website, I also noticed one thing: I suddenly didn't want to share it! Because I felt that I had done bad things ---- let the innocent shop owner lose, let everyone's trip waste time (the boss asks to give money, my manager was arguing, the whole group waited), if I apologized for it, everything would be OK. At this time, I began to want to escape, to protect myself, didn’t want my bad to be known, hope to hide all about it.

以前老師也說過,事情在內心,不去看懂、不去學會,它就會因蔓不斷。這個我做的事情確實在我內心因蔓不斷了,可是我卻不想面對,於是焦慮不安愈來愈重,還是不想面對… 真的我不想仔細看,仔細面對自己的黑暗面。因為看到它,好像在說我很差。我很想問:是不是只有我這樣?明明知道自己的問題跟別人不相干,可是就是又想要比較一下。再來,如果老師能夠說:你沒有比較差喔,大家都這樣喔。那我好像心裏會好過一點,因為自己沒有太差。其實不是這樣,因為這也是自己欺騙自己。

In the past, the teacher also said that things are in the heart, if not to understand, not to learn, it will continue and increase. What I did is really in my heart because of the continually, but I didn't want to face it, so the anxiety is getting stronger and stronger, however I still didn't want to face it... I really didn't want to look carefully and carefully to face my dark side. Because I saw it, it seemed to say that I was very bad. I really wanted to ask: only me so bad? I knew that my problem was irrelevant to others, but I just wanted to compare it. And then, if the teacher could say: You are not quite a bad person, so are everyone. Then I seemed to feel better in my heart, because I was not so bad. But it was not the case, because I still deceived myself.

其實跟老師學習,一開始,我內心有很多抗拒、不接受。為什麼老師說得那麼坦白,可是即使內心很多次反駁,最終也還是接受老師說的,的確如此。有時也不能理解老師為什麼要這樣說?也不能全然理解到底老師在說甚麼...我現在可以知道,那不是因為老師說的話艱澀難懂,是因為我還存有懷疑與抗拒,所以「聽不進去」、「不想明白」。老師,謝謝您~這就是我要學習的對不對?若我的心在學習時還有懷疑,又怎麼能夠聽得進去您的指導?

In fact, I learned from the teacher. At the beginning, I had a lot of resistance and no acceptancing. Why did the teacher say so frankly? but even if the heart retorted many times, my heart eventually still accepted the teacher’s words, because the truth was so. Sometimes I couldn't understand why the teacher said so? I couldn't fully understand what the teacher was saying..., however, now I understand that it is not because the teacher’s words were difficult to understand, but because I still had doubts and resistance, so I couldn't get it. Teacher, thank you~ it is the reason why I have to learn, right? If my heart still has doubts while learning, how can I listen to and get your guidance?

之前抗拒面對時,我會想:這個我,長到四、五十歲,公婆也都往生,經濟獨立,在家裡也可以擔當了,一切似乎都好好的,我幹嘛這樣挖著瘡疤,翻來翻去得檢查呢?可是真的就是這樣翻來翻去地檢查才有現在這個比較自在的我!

In the past, when I resisted facing it, I would think: I am four or fifty years old, my husband’s parents have passed away, I can be economically independent, and can handle many things, everything seems to be good. Why do I dig my dark side? turn it over and check it? But just because I turned it over and over to check the reasons of my negative emotions, now I can be more comfortable!

那次諮詢後,我已經在公司Line群組,公開地對自己犯下的錯誤道歉。這原先是我自己一個人做不到的事,但是我做到了,這是因為有老師教導我。

老師謝謝您~~

After that consultation, I publicly apologized for the mistakes I made in the company Line group. I know that I couldn't do it by myself, but I did it just because there was a teacher who taught me.

Thank you, teacher~~



段老師的話 (Teacher Duan’s Words)
 

LIKA在諮詢時說她這幾天惶惶不安,但她也百思不得其解,我問她最近是否發生什麼事?她說一週前公司旅遊,她騎著出租店的電動三輪車,撞到樹,弄壞了車子的頂棚,但是她自己很納悶她竟然在當時「完全忘記」有這事兒,之後交還鑰匙,直接走人。直到看見車店老闆在跟自己的經理爭論時,自己仍是一副事不關己的態度,她自認自己一直是個正直的人,於是很惶恐地問我,自己究竟怎麼了。

LIKA said during the consultation that she was uneasy in the past few days, but she was also puzzled. I asked her if something happened recently. She said that the company traveled a week ago, and she rode the electric tricycle of the rental shop, on the road the tricycle hit the tree which broke the roof of the tricycle, she was very puzzled why she "completely forgot" about it when returning the key, and walked away directly. Until she saw the boss of the rental shop arguing with her manager, she was still in a non-concern attitude. She believed that she was always an integrity person, but why she expressed above, so she asked me with fear “what happened to me.”
 

這個所謂事發當時竟然「完全忘記」,是很典型的潛意識的自我防衛。

The so-called "completely forgot" at the time is a typical subconscious self-defense.
 

當我引導她進入潛意識狀態,她才明白原來潛意識裡完全知道發生了什麼事情,當時之所以自告奮勇騎三輪車,有一部分是為了呈現自己很棒,想要被稱讚,結果車撞了樹,一點都不棒了,於是第一時間選擇躲藏逃避,甚至推諉責任。

因為潛意識的聲音是:我不要是那個壞人!

結果沒想到這番逃避,反而耽誤了大家的時間,因為車店老闆與自己的經理一直在爭論此事,還出動了警察,調閱監視器,最後公司賠錢。自己真的成了「壞人」。也是因為這樣,所以這幾天焦慮不安。

When I guided her into the subconscious state, she realized that she knew exactly what happened and didn't forgot. At that time, she volunteered to ride the tricycle, some reason was wanting to express ’I am good’ and got praised. However, the tricycle hit the tree, not good, so she chose to hide and escape, and even shirk responsibility.

Because the subconscious voice is that I don't want to be the bad guy!

As a result, her escaping made: delaying everyone's time, because the boss of the rental shop argued with her manager about the matter, also called the police, watched the monitor tape, and finally the company lost money. The inner voice is I really became a "bad guy", so she felt anxious in these days.
 

當我看到LIKA寫說,當他在寫這篇心得分享時,突然有種念頭:「我開始想逃避,來保護自己,不想被別人知道自己不好,想要隱藏自己有缺陷或者是做錯了的事」。其實,這不就是在旅遊景點歸還已經撞到的三輪車給出租店時,同樣的心情嗎?

When reading LIKA's words about when she was writing this experience, she suddenly thought: " At this time, I began to want to escape, to protect myself, didn’t want my bad to be known, hope to hide all about it.” In fact, isn't it the same situation when returning the destroyed tricycle to the rental store?

 

LIKA在當時潛意識因為逃避,選擇了事不關己,直到一週後來到我這裡,因為疑惑不安說出來,才面對正視了上述的內心迴路,卸下自我防衛,知道了真相並補救,反而鬆了口氣。人在面對犯錯的當下,因為害怕被討厭甚至被責備,自我防衛機制很自然會選擇「逃避」,這確實是人之常情,但是LIKA在事後一週,選擇了面對,雖然知道了內心迂迴的真相,好像有點難堪,但是至少知道自己的不安從何而來,也知道了可以怎麼做,來讓自己安心──坦承並道歉,換來了心安,其實乍看是難堪,但我始終相信一個勇於面對自己過失而道歉的人,其實反而會得到他人的尊重,所以,「面對內心真相」,絕對是利多於弊。

Just because LIKA’s subconscious want to escape, she chose to do nothing. She came to me after one week, because she was confused and anxious, so decided to face the inner process above, released her self-defense, knew the truth and modified it, and then she could feel relaxed. When people face the mistakes, because they are afraid of being hated or blamed, the self-defense mechanism will naturally choose to "escape". This is definitely human nature, but LIKA chose to face it after a week, even though she knew that facing the truth seemed to be a bit embarrassing, but at least when I knew where my uneasiness came from, and then I could know what I could do to make myself feel at ease.

Confessing and apologizing bring the peace of mind, in fact, though confessing seems to be embarrassed, but I always believe people who have the courage to face their own faults and apologize will actually be respected by others. Therefore, "face to the inner truth" definitely brings benefit more than harm.
 

逃避內心真相,可能看似表面風平浪靜,但其實內心深處的波濤洶湧才是令人折磨,而「莫名不安」其實也正是我們智慧的潛意識透過這樣的情緒,來提醒我們去面對、去學習,去成長。

Escape from the inner truth may seem to feel calm, but in fact the deep waves in the heart are tormenting, and the inner unknown anxious is actually our wise subconscious to remind us to go through such emotions, to learn and grow up.



因此,自我防衛機制雖然看似當下可以保護我們不受傷,但從身心健康的長遠角度看,還是應該傾聽內在的真相,勇敢去面對。直面過失,換來輕鬆,不要掉入自我防衛的圈套。
Therefore, the self-defense mechanism seems to protect us from hurt at the moment, but from the long-term perspective of physical and mental health, we should listen to our inner truth and face it bravely. Face straightforward to the fault for easy, don't fall into the trap of self-defense.



對LIKA說,你在寫這篇文章時,雖然同樣的逃避習氣又出現了,但是你很棒的是,因為之前已經學習過一次了,所以這一回你的內心智慧很快地出現,你慷慨地跟我們分享了這麼棒的體驗。真正的勇者一定有智慧,你展現了這個樣貌,謝謝你。

Here I want to tell LIKA that when you wrote this article, although the same escaping habit appeared again, but you are very good, because you have already learned it, so this time your inner wisdom appeared so quickly and then you were generous to share such a great experience with us. The truly brave must be with wisdom, you have showed it to us, thank you.

*附註:
我平常對人也不會說話這麼「坦白」啦,也不敢...!當對方還沒準備好(這樣面對或學習)之前,我不會說得太坦白。是既然個案或已經長期跟我學習的學生來找我解決問題,我必須不負所託丶全力以赴、甘冒不諱地把各位心中的暗黑照亮,當然我會謹慎地看時機狀況、看怎麼點出關鍵,然而我的目的就是譲人們得到真自在...
Usually I don't talk so frankly and directly, I don't dare...! Before people are not ready to face or learn it in such a way, I won't point it out frankly and directly. Since the clients or the students who have learned from me in a long-term period, request me to solve the problem, I have to do my best to illuminate the darkness of their hearts, even though sometimes may let people dislike me, of course I will cautiously point out the key-point in a proper timing or situation however, all my intention is to help people get true comfort...

 

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