Since opening the fan page of Orlando in May, a text is produced every week.
But because of the properties of FB, the text written in the FB must be streamlined.
But on this website, I think it can be read slowly, I combine the last two texts in FB and rewrite more
"Regret" is a complex emotion.
It is not only sadness but also the seed of the next motivation which subconsciously buried in our mind. It may turn into action in the next second or may also be going to a next life to sprout and grow.
Maybe it’s "regret” creating everything through all the lives.
In life, it may be difficult, to be without regret…
But just because the world is cruel, I choose to be tender.
Because of the uncertain of birth and death, I decided to cherish the moment.
Because I am afraid that there is no more opportunity, I take courage to move forward.
Because I don't want to remain regrets, I confess with my true-heart.
Not because I am particularly tender, cherished, brave, and frank.
Just because of in the early stage of my subconscious work, maybe the universe thought the time is up, in the subconscious state (ex. in the meditation or dream)
I naturally can be aware my relationship with some people around me in the past lives and what happened. When I know the process and relations between the past and the present, I can't bear to miss again, I want to regret no more.
My mother passed away recently. In this life with my mother, it's like a hard test paper handed over. She is a serious patient with physical and mental illness.
Beside her, my father wanted to suicide many times before he passed away.
Beside her, countless times I felt that I was shattered and scattered in the silent universe. But I have always been well aware that she is a gift from the universe.
From the time I had memories in my childhood I seemed to have living in a devil training camp, created me can be tender in facing of the cruel.
Often some students describe that I saved them from hell (it was over-praising) or asked me how big is your foundation to bear the pain of so many people? I usually smile silently. But I recognize deeply that that's because I used to live in hell, and my mother was the jailer. So when I was a child, I had exploring, practicing, and developing how to self-heal. So I understand the tangles, distortions and fragility in the human heart, and the evolution and presentation of human’s mind. Therefore, I describe that my mother is my Bodhisattvas to make me confront adverse conditions. From my mother, I understand the suffering people and the people who give sufferings to others, and their problems and solutions.
When she was still alive, I did not say the above in public. Because I don’t want people to smash her, after all, I can’t bear to hurt such a suffering person who can’t control herself.
In these years, when all the friends and relatives around her chose to leave her away because they didn’t want to stand her, her anger grew even higher, and I was the last one choosing to stay with her, at the same time I had to bear her scary anger. Every time when I was repeatedly broken off by her, I think that she became like this just because she mistakenly thought that the world abandoned her, how can I let her know the truth the world "love" her? However I was often shocked and helpless with that her heart twisted, even in love, she still could not feel it.
But I really wanted to do it.
When she was alive, I rarely felt her love. Maybe she had lost the ability to love others and she only requested and controlled people for granted. (In my impression, she also said that she didn’t embrace me...When I was three or four years old, I played the ball and the ball rolled under the bushes, I didn't dare to get into the ball because I was afraid of getting dirty, which would be blamed and I would be beaten by her, I remembered when I turned and looked at her to ask for help, she said coldly, Heaven helps the self-helper.)
But incredibly, after her spirituality left the body, in the days of mourning, from some "signals", I definitely felt her pity and love for me.
At the moment, suddenly, I remember that half a year ago, the Spring Festival holiday, I didn’t go anywhere, (so many years as so) and went back to the bed of the Tainan Nursing Home to accompany her in all the holidays. She suddenly said, because of you, I felt so happy in the world.
That is a sentence like the sun rise from the west.
Today, this super-difficult test paper from the universe, I finished up...
Time flies , wish all people can have no regrets.
What is the way? Just do it.